Accountability is one of those words that can send chills down our backs. To some people, it’s another word for micro-managing. To some people, it’s just a catch phrase for two people hanging out and talking over coffee. Neither one of those is true accountability. Accountability holds me or you to something significantly serious, a habit to change, an attitude to adjust, a checks and balance to life’s reality, a promise to be held to, etc. Accountability’s intent is to lead to positive growth. Yet, I would suggest that in one sense, accountability must make you feel a little uncomfortable for it to work. This kind of accountability can make you feel that you did something bad…and that’s okay.
Jesus and Peter have this conversation long after Peter had denied that he even knew Jesus during Jesus’ trial. This trial eventually lead to His crucifixion, death and resurrection. Peter’s last moments with Jesus were moments of letting down a dear friend. Peter felt utter shame for denying Christ and this was exactly what Jesus said would happen. Peter didn’t prove Jesus wrong. And now Jesus and Peter find themselves hanging out and talking over a fish fry. Perhaps Peter was hoping that Jesus wouldn’t bring it up, that thing of shame, that thing Peter said he wouldn’t do but he did. In his own way, Jesus eventually asks Peter straight up:
“Simon son of John, do you truly love me more than these?” (Joh 21:15 NIV)
Peter’s response was:
“Yes, Lord,” he said, “you know that I love you.” (Joh 21:15 NIV)
Jesus then went on to ask Peter the same question TWO more times. Each time Peter answered with the same definitive response. And so Jesus would tell him to take care of, lead, guide, feed, shepherd, and watch over His sheep. I don’t think Jesus was just making sure Peter heard the instructions clearly. He wanted Peter to feel the urgency, the significance, the expectation, and the trust placed on them to put REAL action to their words. Jesus didn’t nag or harp on the issue of the failure. Peter knew that Jesus saw the failure. Jesus didn’t have to bring it up. Jesus just simply asked him if he really had the desire within him to make something happen.
Sometimes, when we ask or get asked the hard questions, the first response is to accept the truth and say “yea, yea, I got it. Better next time. Thanks friend, bro, dude for pointing that out.” However, accountability then asks the same question again and again. The point isn’t to nag. The point is to get to the truth. Anyone can blow off and say what they are suppose to say once or twice, but eventually the rubber has to meet the road.
Accountability does believe in the other person, but accountability will push to the edge of questioning oneself whether there REALLY is evidence of a desire to see it through. Have you REALLY changed that habit? Have you REALLY adjusted that attitude? Have you REALLY put your career, your marriage, your relationships into perspective? Have you REALLY done what you said you would do? Do you REALLY want it to happen?
High accountability will most likely bring awkward conversations. It might even produce some sadness. It might make you feel that you’ve really messed up. But it’s the kind of sadness that leads to true action of positive growth and change because you know it comes from a person that cares about your growth, not from someone that just wants to shame you. Don’t think it’s wrong when you feel bad. Own the sorrow for a moment. It may be just what’s needed to push you in the right direction. I like how well Paul says it to the church at Corinth after some long harsh words:
Yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way by us.
Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.
See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done. At every point you have proved yourselves to be innocent in this matter.
(2Co 7:9-11 NIV)
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This is soo true, it was like The Lord put you in my thoughts and prayers. I have a friend who had a fight with his best friend from childhood, A verbal discuusion of right and wrong, which he was just being himself and laying it down and may have gone overboard, since is new to faith. He has accepted that he made a mistake, has shown accountability and remorse, but she refuses to forgive him or let him back in her life, and says she is thinkging about it. To witness does not always have the effect we want, but it tells someone how you believe and how they can also have that sense of never being alone, but also being accountable and it's multiple meanings. Repentense, remorse, guilt, sadness can go with accountabilty, so I am going to share this post in hopes that it will lift his spirits and let him know the multiple meanings can be. I always love to read your posts, and enjoy them so, and thank you for friending me. I have told Tina how much I enjoy them.
Thanks for the comment Pattie. Glad to hear you are doing well. Glad to hear that my writings help other people figure out life and God in this life. Let me know if you'd be interested in me blogging about anything in particular. I like a good challenge.