Category Archives: Family

Orange is Also Partnering with the Kids

If you are involved in leadership for Children’s ministry in a church platform, you might have heard of the orange principle or concept.  As far as I know, it’s created by Reggie Joiner and the ReThink Group.  They put out amazing curriculum and our church uses it for all our environments of ages 3 to 10. This orange principle runs through their entire strategy from curriculum, blogs, books and conferences.

The orange principle is combining two influences to create a more vibrant impact.  Orange is made up of both Red and Yellow. Red could represent the love of the parents and Yellow could represent the light of Jesus Christ, aka the church in this illustration.  The idea is that the church only has limited time to influence a child, where a parent will have a lifetime of influence.  Partnering with the parents is to first help all sides accept that responsibility.  Secondly, it is to help the parents to be equipped to do so, such as the church teaching and providing opportunities to practice talking about spiritual things to their children.  It also involves the parents helping the church to find the best way to do so. Being informed on what works and what’s not working is highly helpful. This concept counters the previous generational thought that the church was a place to drop off kids to learn about God and then return them home all equipped. The previous generational strategy has left many leaving the church once they leave the home.

So, I love and embrace this concept and wholeheartedly believe in it. Nothing makes church and religion and Jesus Christ meaningful than a home that also embraces it. However, just a couple of weeks ago, when talking about this concept with some parents, a parent responded, “and it’s also a partnership with the kids.” A partnership with the kids…

I’m really struck by that because that might be the part that gets lost in this orange concept.  Perhaps it’s a no-brainer, a preassumption, a “given,” but as young leaders rise up and lead the next generation, I wonder if that is something that gets pushed back or forgotten. Speaking to parents and guiding adults in their relationship with Jesus has been more up my alley.  I’m usually all about the “education” and “outreach” side of growing with Jesus. And I’ve always been on the short side of the fun for “no reason” side of growing with Jesus. Perhaps in my pursuit of a partnership with parents, I’ve lost touch of the overall mission: to partner with the kids! It sounds so obvious, but I can admit that when you’re so focused on trying to accomplish the one, it’s easy to assume the other is being taken care of.

Don’t forget the Kids!

Father of the Unborn

I remember when my wife and I found out she was pregnant.  We were on a trip from Texas to Arizona, to meet some friends of ours, the Gibsons.  I drove about 90 miles an hour through Texas, New Mexico and Arizona just to shorten the time of car sickness for my lovely wife.

When Father’s Day came that year, my wife was about 6 or 7 weeks pregnant. Our church had the fathers of the congregation stand up so they could acknowledge them.  I stood up. Some wondered and looked at me oddly.  I thought “why am I not a father?” If the church as a whole (and especially this Baptist, Bible-believing, conservative church) believed in a pro-life choice and if the church believes that life within the womb is really a living being, then what’s the difference.

As I’ve heard people explain before, the difference between a baby born and a baby in the womb is merely location, location, location.  And sure we can talk about the things that make a father a father.  Are they the ones who are actually doing the duties of the father? And so is the father of the unborn not a “father” because they have yet to have the opportunity to perform those duties?  Even at that, the husband of that wife or boyfriend of that girl is caring for that baby as they care for the pregnant woman they love.  The nurture and love and care and gentleness and affection that the man will show that pregnant woman is showing that precious baby nurture and love and care and gentleness and affection.  How the mom takes care of herself and what she eats affects the baby. And so likewise, I believe that when mamma’s happy, everyone is happy. And having a loving man by her side through this process, is huge!

So this weekend, for Father’s Day, let us remember and acknowledge those men who are caring and loving their son or daughter even though they are not yet born.  Let us remember and acknowledge those men who have cared for and loved their son or daughter even though they were never born.  I believe it helps strengthen the importance of a husband and that father figure and the importance of a marriage and that holy, sacred bond.  It reinforces those things long before he or she decides to move out on their own, whether that be out of the womb or straight into heaven.

So you think you want to be a dad…

This is a review of the book “First-time Dad: The Stuff You Really Need to Know” by John Fuller.  John is the vice president of Audio and New Media at Focus on the Family and co-host of the daily Focus on the Family broadcast.  He spent nine years co-hosting the program with the founder, Dr. James Dobson.  As a father of six, he writes and speaks about strong marriages and effective parenting. John and his wife, Dena, are also advocates for orphan care and adoption.

First-time Dad is a great book for any person getting ready to be dad.  The book is only 158 pages and is written like a conversation with a seasoned dad, sipping your favorite drink while sitting on the front porch.  At the end of each chapter, he references several books in which he gleaned some of the wisdom.  It’s like getting the best of over 30 books into one.  He really gets to the heart of the issue of being a dad for the first time.  He doesn’t fill up the pages with long drawn out stories and with filler writing.  He gets to the point, tells you what to expect, what to do and things to think about.

He also focuses on what having kids means for the marriage and the change that will take place between the man and wife.  This focus nearly covers half the book!  Basically, you live at home more and have no life outside of caring for this baby.  Although that’s not completely true, freedom and spontaneity doesn’t happen very often.  Your attention changes and your wife’s attention changes.  I often joke that women get married so they can have kids and then once the kid comes along, there’s no need for the husband. All seriousness though, having a child together is a wonderful thing, but life is not going to be the same.  I wished someone talked to me long ago.  Not that I would change what we decided, but I would have been better equipped to be a good first time dad and husband.

He talks about how to help your child find success, how to get in touch with who they are and how to help them develop their spiritual formation.  He talks about the difference between boys and girls’ personalities and ways they respond.  He talks about how parenting a child cannot be done like a formula or even done with the same formula for all children.  Developing a lasting relationship with that child is not going to be easy and it doesn’t have to be scary, but it will take some work. I wished someone talked to me long ago.  Not that I have completely messed it all up, but not all lessons have to be learned the hard way.

When my wife and I decided to have a child after 4 years of marriage, I had no idea what that really meant, other than that’s what married people are suppose to do: have kids.  I also knew that equaled more sex. I was going to graduate school getting my Master of Divinity and I was working 50+ hours a week as a manager at a local supermarket chain.  My wife and I were also involved in our local church’s youth ministry.  In one sense for me, I thought it was just going to be one more thing on my already busy plate. It would be just a slight time management issue and I would be all set.  It was going to be no big deal, right? YEAH RIGHT! No one talked to me about what to expect (outside of the shotgun advice during the “congratulations”).  No one talked to me about how I would have to change my priorities or even how to do that.  No one talked to me about how to be a dad or even a good husband during this whole process.  I wasn’t much around for the first two years and I still completely fumble on what it takes to be a good husband and father.  But while reading this book and now being married for 13 years and having two sons (one adopted) and involved in foster care, I understood a lot about what he was saying.  I just wished someone talked to me long ago like John does in this book.  It’s an encouraging, positive and informative book with a grasp on reality.

“We are given a role to prepare the way- and then to step back and let the future generations make something of our work.  We may not (and probably won’t) see the end product. We cannot control what those who follow us will do, or how they will choose. Yet we strive with everything within us to provide them what they need. We do this, not to serve ourselves, but to serve them. And their children’s children.  Here’s to work that will last a long, long time…”

I received the book for free from Moody Publishers for this review. However, all thoughts and opinions of the book are completely mine.