Category Archives: Family

Marriage Messages and Resources

If you classify your marriage as perfect and growing and no need for improvement than you can skip this post.  If you live in this world and are a human being and you are married, you’re probably in a relationship that always can use some refocusing, growth opportunities and advice. Only teasing, slightly.  I do want you to understand that you’re not alone.  If that was true, then there would be no resources, no books, and no messages to share.  The truth is that there are a lot of resources to choose from and places to go to for help.  Here are some marriage messages and resources that I have personally liked and believe in. Obviously as a believer in Jesus Christ and a pastor, my resources have a strong bible and faith base.

iMarriage messages by Andy Stanley from NorthPoint Ministries,

Man vs. Wife messages by Perry Noble from New Spring Church,

Once Upon a Marriage messages by Craig Groeschel from Lifechurch.tv,

Sweethearts for a Lifetime book by Wayne and Carol Mack,

Love and Respect book and conferences by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs and his wife Sarah,

Marriage blog posts by Biblical Counselor, Rick Thomas,

Your church (developing a better relationship best happens inside the context of a growing relationship with God in my opinion and belief for many reasons.  Of course, having a growing relationship with God does not guarantee your spouse is or that your marriage will be restored.  There are many good marriage principles outside of a Christian circle that work and I think that is because they are really found in God’s principles, values, wisdom and character.  Outside of the Christian circle might help your marriage get stronger, but they don’t help (in my observation) one believe that God has or can have any role or function or practicality in real life here and now, which I stand to differ. I believe the chances are exponentially increased when we live according to God’s ways and through His strength.),

And another (preferred experienced) married couple you can just talk and bounce things off with.

Here are a few of mine. You can even search my blog for “marriage” and see what you’ll find.  Any more than that and maybe you’ll spend too much time reading and learning what to do without practicing these things in your marriage? I know that is my tendency. So please read and watch, but then go and do!

What are some other resources that you like and should be shared with others?

If Love is in the Air, is it for the Birds?

Mention love and marriage and you’ll find people who are “gaga” for each other.  I know someone who is getting married this summer, someone else who just got engaged, and someone who just celebrated their 1 yr anniversary.  My wife, the photographer, already has 4 other weddings booked for 2011.  You probably know people in this category. Love is in the air!

Mention love and marriage and you’ll find people who are sick of each other. I know married couples that are struggling, really struggling.  I know married couples that are in the process of divorce.  I know married couples that just live life together wishing they could hit the re-do button.  You probably know people in this category.  In fact, just me writing this makes you wonder whether I’m talking about you.  The truth is you’re not alone and my marriage has been there before too.  Is Love for the birds?

I’ve heard many people say that you have to watch out for the first year, it’s the toughest.  I’ve heard people say it’s the 3-5 year mark this is the toughest, or the 5-7 years, or the 10-11 years, or the 18-20 years, depending on who you talk with. But let us just get it straight. Every day can be a tough day.  Every day, marriages can be pulled apart in a moment.  Ever day, marriages can drift apart one inch further.  It’s the small things in a relationship that crept in on a daily basis and begin to pile up and pile up.  It’s the quick looks, looking somewhere else.  It’s the small irritation that doesn’t get talked about.  It’s the small surrender to being busy.  It’s the small surrender of being passive and not active-aggressive about pursuing love for you and your spouse. It’s the small belief you tell yourself, the myth, of the greener grass on the other side.  Someone once told me that if the grass is greener, it’s for two reasons: 1) it’s over a septic tank or 2) your grass needs water.

So how do you water the grass? I believe it starts with communication.

It’s saying to your spouse, “I know there are a lot of hot people in the world, but our relationship is built on more than attraction.”  It’s saying to your spouse, “I know there are a lot of things I just want to do, but I want to do something with you.”  It’s saying to your spouse, “I know you might not be able to handle the truth here, but I don’t want to hide what I’m thinking and feeling before I buy into the myth that I’m telling myself everyday and it will be seemingly too late.”  It’s saying to your spouse, “You’re hot, lets go out and do something together.”  It’s saying to your spouse, “I care about what you think and feel, let’s talk.”

There’s a lot of things you can say to your spouse as you communicate or the lack thereof.  Does your communication translate as “love is in the air” or as “love is for the birds…so go fly out the window…”?

Church as Family?

This past weekend, Marty Holman, our lead pastor, spoke about seeing the church as family.  A group of people caring for one another and bringing others in openly could be a general definition of family in this case.  No matter how you define family in a church culture context, the word family doesn’t equal something that is perfect.  The truth is that there is no such thing as a picture perfect family and therefore no such thing as a picture perfect church.  Every church is full of imperfect people, who vary in their Christian understanding and maturity.  And every family has issues, but everyone is longing to be a part of one.  We have a sense of belonging.  That’s what makes even gangs exist.

The Catholic church has embraced this same idea of church as family in their recent public commercials, asking for “catholics come home.”  Catholics who have left the church or have been away for awhile are like those who haven’t seen family for awhile for one reason or another and the grandmother is calling for a family reunion.

This concept of the church as family is nothing new.  The early church, as seen in the book of Acts and Paul’s epistles, illustrate a close group of believers who care for one another, meet regularly, give  up their possessions, strive to understand the Christian faith and bring new people into the movement on a daily basis.  We call God, the Father.  We, who believe in Christ, have been accepted into His family and are called sons and daughters.  We can refer to each other as brothers and sisters.  Paul also tells us that we should treat older men like fathers, older woman like mothers, younger men like brothers and younger woman like sisters (1 Timothy 5:1-2).  These are multiple examples of Christianity through the theme of family.

Seeing the church as family is what makes church even harder though too.  When there is a dispute, disappointment, division or disagreement, it hurts.  Sometimes, it’s easier to love those outside of your family then your own.  Sometimes it’s easier to think that another family is better and doesn’t have any family issues. Sometimes it’s easier to leave them all and just deal with what you think you can trust: yourself and no body else.  I’ll admit, I’ve thought about going down those roads myself many times.  But I believe, even through times that I don’t see it, that the church as family is pretty awesome because I have experienced and I’ve been called to create it.