Pastors Help the Hurting and Hurt the Helping?

Spiritual leaders in any religion hold the power to sway people towards believing in something and then moving people towards acting on that belief.  This isn’t necessarily some type of brain-washing or manipulation (although some may be closer to that than merely inspiring a spiritual awakening). I believe that within all of humanity is the desire and longing to know there is a God and what that God wants us to do.  Spiritual leaders have a power, a potential by nature of their position, to either help the hurting or hurt those that are helping the cause.

It might be easy for us to think about this with Islam versus Muslim extremists. Yet, when we talk with people particularly here in the United States, it becomes quickly evident that Christian pastors, bishops, priests, and spiritual leaders have many times hurt the helpers. People get hurt when these spiritual leaders react from their own insecurities, placing judgments and guilt in the name of righteous rebuking. People get hurt when these spiritual leaders become so dogmatic on beliefs which seem to impose stricter burdens and laws in the name of living “biblical.” People get hurt when these spiritual leaders sin harshly against them.  As pastor Pete Wilson tweeted last week: “hurting people hurt people, hurting leaders hurt bunches of people.” I’m not merely referring to any sin that a spiritual leader might commit. In some regard, all of us must understand: spiritual leaders are human and do sin against God and man. Just as we are encouraged and commanded to forgive others who sin against us, this includes spiritual leaders.

I guess the real question is: what do we do now? Far too many times, I’ve heard and read people tossing in the towel towards organized religion. In one sense, this is a healthy new beginning while on the other side of the coin it only leaves hurting people still hurting.  It sometimes leaves hurting people giving up on God! They can’t see the relevance of God or spirituality anymore and life’s answers are only found outside the Bible, outside of God and certainly outside of people talking about the Bible and God.

My thought in all this is two-fold.

1) Pastors and Spiritual Leaders – We know the seriousness of our call by God to teach and preach.  We know the warning by James that “not many should presume to be teachers” (James 3:1).  We know he furthers this thought within the context and analogies of “bits in the mouth of horses,” rudders on a ship, a wild fire set by a single spark and the tongue that can set the whole course of his life on fire. Paul, the apostle, cautions all of us to evaluate how we are building upon Christ’s work:

“For we are God’s fellow workers; you are God’s field, God’s building. By the grace God has given me, I laid a foundation as an expert builder, and someone else is building on it. But each one should be careful how he builds. For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ. If any man builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, his work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man’s work.” (1Co 3:9-13 NIV)

This is not a call to become wimpy in our preaching and teaching of God’s commands and principles.  This is not a call to reduce Godly rebuking. It’s a call to be sensitive as though everyone is hurting. It’s a call to be sensitive that maybe the next thing we say or do has the potential to build up or beat up. I like how Paul advises Timothy:

“Preach the message, be ready whether it is convenient or not, reprove, rebuke, exhort [encourage] with complete patience and [NIV-careful] instruction.” (2Ti 4:2 NET)

2) All of us – May I be so blunt to say not to shift blame for our lack of spiritual growth on another human being (a.k.a “spiritual leader”)?  In the end, we too will be held accountable for our own words, attitudes, actions and reactions. We need to do the hard work of studying the Scriptures to see whether the message we receive is true (Acts 17:11).  We need to be eager about hearing and receiving the message brought by these spiritual leaders. It becomes too easy to “throw the baby out with the bath water” and not even go anywhere to hear something from a pastor or spiritual leader. It becomes too easy to grow callous and hard-hearted towards the church at large.  We can’t dismiss the message so quickly. We shouldn’t, in return, beat up pastors and spiritual leaders either. In fact, it may be our own duty as followers of Christ to encourage and strengthen the hurting and the other helpers. It may be our own duty to encourage and help the spiritual leaders. Paul has much applicable wisdom when he wrote to the church in Thessalonica that I’ll end with this:

11 Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
12 Now we ask you, brothers [a reference to all believers, not 'fellow' spiritual leaders], to respect those who work hard among you, who are over you in the Lord and who admonish you.
13 Hold them in the highest regard in love because of their work. Live in peace with each other.
14 And we urge you, brothers, warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone.
15 Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always try to be kind to each other and to everyone else.
16 Be joyful always;
17 pray continually;
18 give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
19 Do not put out the Spirit’s fire;
20 do not treat prophecies with contempt.
21 Test everything. Hold on to the good.
22 Avoid every kind of evil.
23 May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.
24 The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it.
25 Brothers, pray for us.
26 Greet all the brothers with a holy kiss.
27 I charge you before the Lord to have this letter read to all the brothers.
28 The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you. (1Th 5:11-28 NIV)

I Had a Heart-Attack But I’m Okay

“I was sitting in a coffee shop the other day, sipping on my favorite cup of peppermint mocha, when I felt strange tensions in my chest. The kind of tensions that make the world go in slow motion.  I pause my breathing and think ‘am I having a heart-attack?’ I motioned to my friend that was with me that I didn’t feel good.  Yet, soon the tensions went away just as quick as they came. I said, ‘wow, that was weird. I think I just had a heart-attack, but it’s gone now. I’m okay.’ And I went on with my day.”

If any of you believed my story to be true, you’re wondering what happened after that. Did I go to the hospital? Is everything alright? Did I spill my peppermint mocha? The truth is that it never happened (and by God’s grace I pray it doesn’t. Although, I did have some crazy dizzy spells on New Years Eve day while at lunch with a friend that left me in bed for 24hrs.  Too ironic that I made this post a couple of days before then).  Yet stories like these do happen all the time in the sense that we notice problems in our lives or cry out for help and then the moment we feel better, we assume the problem went away.  There’s suddenly no need for help. We say, “never-mind, I’m okay.”

I’ve seen it many times in people who ask if I’d be willing to talk or counsel with them and then suddenly it seems like the problem took care of itself.  Certainly there are times when problems do get resolved or wisdom illuminated itself at that right moment. Other times, the pain only lessened, we overlooked the severity of the issue, or we realize how embarrassing it is going to be to share the closet full of baggage. Larry Crabb and Dan Allender in their book Encouragement: The Key to Caring describe a basic human drive:

“So we come to fear exposure, knowing almost intuitively that beneath the make-up of decency, kindness, generosity, and stylish clothing is someone who, if truly known, would provoke disapproval and criticism. All of us, even those whose make-up is thickly applied and has been in place for years, are aware that at some level the wrinkles are there” (p. 32).

If at all possible, we don’t want to mess with our messes. If at all possible, we’re going to ignore our problems so they will just go away. If at all possible, we’d love to think that it was nothing to begin with.  If someone ever asks for help, if at all possible, it’s important to go ahead and connect with them. It’s important to find out if the problem really did get resolved. It’s important to make sure things really are okay. It’s important for you and me to go get “checked” out. Just as much as a physical heart-attack shouldn’t be overlooked, neither should moments of stress, conflict, anger, sadness, grief, loneliness, confusion and feeling overwhelmed be overlooked. Of course the hardest part will be willing to accept whatever truth will be exposed. Yet, we can’t just pretend it’s okay.

It reminds me of what God says through Jeremiah in the Old Testament. The people of God were in pretty bad spiritual shape and judgment from God was being proclaimed.  But the people of God really didn’t want to hear it.  They brushed off Jeremiah’s warnings and prophecies. Actually, they responded in anger. They told Jeremiah that his warnings and prophecies were not right. They thought everything wasn’t as bad as he made it sound. The priests and other prophets addressed the people’s issues with “oatmeal.” And here is what God says in Jeremiah 6:13-17:

“From the least to the greatest, all are greedy for gain; prophets and priests alike, all practice deceit.
They dress the wound of my people as though it were not serious. ‘Peace, peace,’ they say, when there is no peace.
Are they ashamed of their loathsome conduct? No, they have no shame at all; they do not even know how to blush. So they will fall among the fallen; they will be brought down when I punish them,” says the LORD.
This is what the LORD says: “Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls. But you said, ‘We will not walk in it.’
I appointed watchmen over you and said, ‘Listen to the sound of the trumpet!’ But you said, ‘We will not listen.’ (NIV)

There are often plenty of warning signs if we are willing to pay attention to them. Don’t just address the wound as a skin scratch if it is clearly a heart-attack.

4 Ways to Plan Spiritual Growth in 2012

What I like about blogging is that I can look back at what I wrote a year ago. Blogging is like my “Life Journal”, yet without the extreme sharing of personal feelings. I can look back and see how God has been working in my life.  I can look back and see if I’ve changed in any way.  I can look back and see if this year is too much like the year before. All of us desire to have years of growth -whether spiritually or in wealth. To many of us, it seems like we get years of rut-defining repeats.

And as the saying goes, “if you want different results, you have to do something different.” Losing weight is often the first goal or resolution of the new year, yet I’m pretty excited to see many people talk about wanting to get closer to God in 2012.  All of this remind me of what Paul says in 1 Timothy 4:8

“For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.” (NIV)

Just like defining workout plans and creating time to actually get at it, what kind of plans are you creating to ensure training for godliness? I want to suggest 4 spiritual workouts:

1) Spend Actual Time with God -

There are many ways to spend time with God. Primarily, we have to get into reading His Word, His letter, His story for us – the Bible. Yet, buying a Bible or downloading the Bible app to your device and not using it is like buying a treadmill or a gym pass and thinking that’s the hardest part. The hardest part is actually carving out time to open it and read it. You are going to have to plan a specific and repeatable time to create a “spend time with God” rhythm. The truth is that all of us can create even a few minutes a day to do this. Maybe it’s getting up earlier? Maybe it’s getting the Bible on CD or MP3 to play during your commute? Maybe it’s putting the Bible on top of the TV remote, causing you to catch up with God before you catch up on the news? It’s time to change the classic icon of the bible to an opened one, versus only seeing the words “Holy Bible.”

2) Fast -

Just as exercising and eating whatever you want don’t mix, spending time with God can’t be just something you add on.  We have to cut out the junk and go to the source of nutrients, vitamins and minerals.  Fasting is a way for us to feel “hungry for God.” Fasting isn’t some type of self-righteous test or temptation boot camp. Fasting is about coming to a place of uncomfort and filling our appetite with really getting to know God more.  We fill our appetite with prayer or more bible reading or reflection or journal or confession, to name a few. It’s putting us at a place where we know we need God. The truth is that most of us are comfortable in our lifestyles. We have plenty of food to eat.  We have a car, a house and plenty of entertainment devices. Almost anything we want is right at our disposal. Maybe it’s cutting some of those comforts out as well?

Proverbs 30:8-9 “Keep falsehood and lies far from me; give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread. Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you and say, ‘Who is the LORD?’ Or I may become poor and steal, and so dishonor the name of my God.” (NIV)

3) Journal -

Those who are serious about exercise keep track of where they are at in reaching their goal. They get on the scale and record the weight.  They track how many miles they ran and how long it took them.  They count every crunch and bicep curl.  They count every calorie. Keeping a log of repeat temptations and moments of celebration is a great way to monitor your progress.  It holds yourself accountable if you begin to “slip”a little. You may also begin to notice how you get upset over the smallest things. Keeping a journal allows you to step back and see your week or month as a whole. It’s also a great place to record some really great Bible verses or quotes to look back on and teach yourself what you may have already forgotten.

4) Get a Coach and a Cheering Section -

Every great athlete had people pushing them to be better, stronger, faster. Spiritual coaching is no different. We all need people to prod and push us.  We all need people to encourage and support us. Spiritual coaching happens at church, in a small group or One-to-One with a mentor or friend. God has not designed spiritual growth to happen without someone else. The early church had to be told this truth only several years from it’s beginning in Hebrews 10:24-25:

“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another–and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” (NIV)

Whatever your goals are for 2012, I’m praying they will transform you as God works through you, with you and in you.