Teens Hanging out with Parents?

I was in on a quick conversation yesterday at church.  A father was looking at our church for his teenager to attend.  His comment was something like “yeah, because my teen doesn’t want to hang out with his parents, so I need to find a different church that he can attend away from us.”  Fortunately, the response from the other person was “no, that’s not it, your teen wants to hang out with you, just in different environments.”

And that is the key!  The tough balance as a parent is to not swing the pendulum to either extreme.  Parents shouldn’t hover over their teen so as to maintain complete control.  The teen needs opportunities and situations to explore their independence or interdependence on God to develop good habits in decision making.  Maintaining that kind of control over your teenage son or daughter might create more of a rebellious spirit than you bargained for.  Just as well, parents shouldn’t respond in the opposite direction and allow their teen to “explore” life without the wisdom and direction of a parent.  Certain bad decisions have real consequences that could alter the direction and destination for your teenager’s future.

The trick is to find environments where the teen can “feel comfortable being and expressing themselves, where they can work through and overcome the problems they confront together, and where they can take advantage of exciting opportunities before them.”

A couple of ideas would include:

1) Pick and allow the people you trust to also speak truth and grace into their lives (grandparents are a great tool as well as the church or even another parent).

2) Create places and times to hang out one-on-one to talk and share openly and honestly without judgment.  Sometimes it’s a quiet place and others times it’s just to have fun.

3) Be authentic about your worries and concerns and ask for ways from your teen to be reassured as their parent when they live out more and more of their interdependence.  And then still hold them accountable to their promises.

What other suggestions would you add as a parent of a teen?

Your teenager really does want you around, just differently.