Your Career and Your Marriage

I saw on the Today show this morning a story about married couples choosing to live apart from one another for the sake of having a good paying job.  The idea is that one spouse moved to where they could find a job, while the other spouse stayed to take care of the home or remain in the job they still have.  The sole reason of separation is to “survive the recession.”

This issue certainly is not a new one.  Husbands left their families from foreign countries to come to America for a better way of life, paving the way for the rest of the family to join him. This still happens to this day. During the 1800′s, husbands left their families from the East Coast to seek opportunity in the new expanding West Coast and California Gold Rush.  Families make sacrifices from one another for the sake of the future of the family.  There are perhaps thousands of success stories for this kind of adventure.  And there are perhaps just as many for which the family never reunites.

Having financial strains can put a lot of tension on marriages, whether it’s the rich or the poor.  That is for certain.  There are a couple key things to think through when you consider what to do for your marriage during a recession, job loss, or being overworked.

1) Are you more concerned about a lifestyle than your marriage relationship?

Many couples fight over money because they desire to attain a certain level of lifestyle.  They are concerned with having a certain kind of house or car or neighborhood status or being involved in certain activities or being able to provide for whatever they want to “live comfortably.”  The marriage vow of “for better or for worse, for rich or for poor” was a blind and naive statement made in fairy-tale Love Land. In this case, the marriage is a joint means or business partnership to accomplish the goal of prosperity.  If one of the partners can’t contribute, there is the feeling of insignificance or little value.  In the business world, separation for the sake of money is inevitable.  You must ask yourself and each other whether there’s more to being happy in marriage than money.

2) Can your marriage really survive during separation?

Each couple is different. Separation from one another happens all the time, but it’s usually for an 8 to 9 hour interval or for a couple of days, depending on the kind of work one has.  Some couples separate in order to ignite the flame of passion for one another. Some couples separate after marriage issues in order to gain fresh perspective on how they can make their marriage work. Eventually though, everyone understands that there is no substitute for presence and communication and even sex in a marriage.  When these decrease in a marriage due to work, kids, activities, and the desire to reach question 1, they increase outside the marriage.  Make no mistake, while you aren’t communicating with your spouse, your communicating with another person.  Being separated from your spouse can be a very dangerous place to find yourself if you’re not truly prepared. And I would highly encourage newly wed couples to be together a lot.

I like what Paul said to the church at Corinth concerning marriage in 1 Corinthians 7:

2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband.3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Sometimes, immorality happens simply because the couple is not together enough. Paul seems to say that the only reason the couple should PERHAPS separate is for personal spiritual communication with God.  And even before that separation happens, there needs to be a joint agreement on how long they are able to make that separation. Don’t be a fool and think that you have more self-control than you really have.  Satan knows what you can take and is ready to tempt you when you reach that point.

Separation might be necessary, but together is better. Together provides the opportunity to fulfill marital duties, and men…that’s more than just getting sex…but it does include that. Make separation a last resort. Agree on that time frame. And schedule times to reunite for real physical presence, communication and sexual relations.